Bad Hair Day Grass Head Doll — Twisted Locks, Smiley Flower Pin

It woke up like this. The grass is gathered into four or five skinny ropes, each twisted and banded with a black tie so it hangs down the side of the head like a very committed comb-over. Googly eyes, a red nose, a holographic smiley flower at the collar and a white saucer underneath. On a desk, in a monitor’s shadow, it looks exactly as unimpressed as you feel before the first coffee.

What you get

• One doll per piece ordered, about 4 in / 10 cm tall, filled and pre-sown with rye grass.
• Black sectioning ties and a holographic smiley flower pin.
• White saucer included.

How to grow it

• Soak 8–12 hours before anything else, then keep the saucer shallow-filled.
• Mist daily. Twisted sections dry out faster than a normal mop — that is the price of the hairstyle.
• Light: 4–6 hours. Strong light gives you thick enough ropes to twist.
• At 3–4 in: divide the grass into narrow sections, twist each one, band the end. Undo and redo every fortnight as it grows.
• Trim the banded ends flat so the ropes stay even.

Arrives seeded and unwatered, so the first week looks nothing like the photo — that is the joke, and it is also how it ships. Non-toxic seed and filling, safe around pets and children. Ships in 5–7 working days, 8–25 working days in transit.